EMOTIONAL INTEGRATION SELF ASSESSMENT
If
you use this assessment please provide feedback and suggestions through the
Reston SIG website. This is a Beta verision and it is considered
underdevelopment. As a condition of use
the user is expected to use the assessment in a fully responsible,accountable
manner.
This
assessment is a tool to help you look at how you manage your emotional
patterns. When “stuff happens” we often react in ways that are predictable,
habitual and even predetermined. The information from certain stumli is processed
according to a unconscious pattern that may or may not reflect the actual
situation. If the pattern contains a strong emotional reaction our ability to
accurately evaluate the situation and use all our resources (intellectual,
emotional and physical) to respond appropiately are reduced.
This
“closed loop” thinking process hinders the access a person has to his or her
innate emotional and mental intelligences. We either over or under react.
Consquently, some very smart people can end up doing very dumb things.
Everyone,
excepting the occasional saint, has emotional patterns.
The
difference is some people are aware of their patterns and can make a conscious
choice whether to follow them or not. Fight or flight are survival patterns
that are useful when decisions must be made instantly and instintively.
Discussion and negotiation usually represent conscious choices that go against
those patterns but offer more options.
True emotional intelligence is being at choice. When we are highjacked
by our emotions we can only see one or two options. Acting those options out
usually does more harm than good. To what extent are you at choice? Are you
choosing wisely?
FROM: Why Can’t I Get What I Want? How To Stop Making The Same Old Mistakes And Start Living A life You Can Love. Charles Elliot and Maureen Lassen, 1998
Instructions:
The
center of each continumm represents a balanced reaction to a given stimulus.
The left and right represent degrees of reaction to certain situations that may
be off the mark and not prove useful. The range of under/over reaction is:
1 =
occasionally describes me
2=
sometimes describes me
3=
usually describes me
4=
almost always describes me
As
you review each area mark one or both sides on the continumm. In some
areas you might only see yourself reacting one way, either consistantly
contracting or inflating. In others you may see yourself reacting at both ends
of the continumm depending on the situation.
After
you mark all eleven continumms pick two or three where you have your strongest
reaction. Any number 3 or – 3 or greater is considered strong. Use the
questions at the end of the assessment to deepen your understanding of that
pattern and develop a strategy for dealing with it. Notice if most of your
marks are in the contracting (-) or inflating (+) side of the continumm. For example, in item three, if you often
feel unworthy you are contracting your personal power and space. If you usually
feel entitled at the expense of others you are inflating your personal power
and space.
Discuss
your self-assessment with someone who knows you well. Be open to gaining some
new insights about yourself and others.
EMOTIONAL INTEGRATION SELF ASSESSMENT
accepting blameless blameworthy
1. Self Worth
-
4 -3 -2 -1 1 2 3 4
Blameworthy:
I am excessively critical of myself whether I really made a mistake or not and
feel deserving of punishment or harsh criticism.
Accepting:
I can accept responsibility for a mistake, apologize and go on with my life
without making myself overly guilty or responsible.
Blameless:
I have to be right. I hardly ever admit I was wrong and apologize.
Someone
else is at fault.
worthy entitled unworthy
2. Worthy
-
4 -3 -2 -1 1 2 3 4
Unworthy:
I feel I do not deserve the attention, concern or consideration of others. I
cannot expect my needs to be met because somehow I am defective or inferior.
Worthy:
I am worthy of having my needs met. I am good as anyone else.
Entitled:
I should have whatever I want no matter what the impact is on others. I feel
superior to others. Nothing less than the best will do.
inadequate
3. Adequacy
adequate perfectionistic
-
4 -3 -2 -1 1 2 3 4
Inadequate:
I feel I don’t measure up. I feel inadequate. I often think I don’t have what
it takes to succeed.
Adequate:
I feel good about my abilities and myself. I have a strong sense of
self-efficacy.
Perfectionist:
My relentless pursuit of excellence and achievement take a toll on my health,
relationships and happiness. To do or be less than perfect is not acceptable.
acquiescent
4. Assertiveness
assertive domineering
- 4
-3 -2 -1 1 2 3 4
Acquiescent:
I tend to give in to others’ preferences and decisions. I avoid conflict and
confrontation by letting others have their way.
Assertive:
I express my preferences and decisions and listen to those of others. I don’t
take advantage of others and I don’t let them take advantage of me.
Domineering:
I need to be in control. Things have to go my way. I easily discount or
criticize what others want. Others should see things my way.
5. Capability
dependent capable stubbornly indep.
-
4 -3 -2 -1 1 2 3 4
Dependent:
I often feel incapable of dealing with everyday issues and decisions. I usually
seek help and direction from others.
Capable:
I believe I am capable of dealing with everyday issues and decisions. When I
need help I ask for it.
Stubbornly
Independent: I believe I have to do it all myself. I hardly ever ask for help
that is appropriate and essential. I usually refuse it even when it is offered.
6. Empowerment
powerless empowered omnipotent
-
4 -3 -2 -1 1 2 3 4
Powerless:
I often feel I can do little to change things. Frequently, I feel overwhelmed
by events in my life and unable to do much about them.
Empowered:
I believe there are many things in my life I can influence. I have options and
choices and can act on them. What I can’t change I can accept.
Omnipotent:
I believe I can make almost any situation come out the way I want it to.
Nothing can stop me.
7. Resilience
vulnerable resilient invulnerable
-
4 -3 -2 -1 1 2 3 4
Vulnerable:
I often worry terrible things might happen to me or those I love.
Resilient:
I take reasonable precautions. I believe that if bad things happen I can bounce
back.
Invulnerable:
I believe I am virtually immune from harm or illness. I don’t think about my
diet, exercise or personal safety. I blindly take risks.
8. Relating
Other-centered centered Self-centered
-
4 -3 -2 -1 1 2 3 4
Other-Centered:
I focus on taking of others even at the expense of taking care of myself. I
know about the perspectives and needs of others than my own. When people are
upset or in need I must do something about it.
Centered:
I take responsibility for taking care of myself. I am considerate of the needs
of others. I can empathize and care about others without excessive care taking
or worry.
Self-centered:
I rarely consider anyone’s needs or perspective but my own.
I
am not aware of what others are thinking or feeling. I hardly ever think about
my impact on others. I am quick to feel imposed on.
9. Intimacy
abandonment intimate avoidant
-
4 -3 -2 -1 1 2 3 4
Abandonment:
I worry about losing others. I am afraid they will leave or be taken from me. I
worry about rejection. I often feel needy and want more reassurance than
usually I get.
Intimate:
I enjoy and feel comfortable being emotionally close to some people. I would
hate to lose these relationships but I know I could cope.
Avoidant:
I usually keep people at a distance and don’t try to become involved.
10. Self-Definition
undefined defined aggrandizing
-
4 -3 -2 -1 1 2 3 4
Undefined:
I don’t really know who I am. I define myself in terms of the other people in
my life. I adopt their attitudes, beliefs and identities.
Defined:
I know who I am. My purpose, beliefs
and values are clear. I can accept disagreement from people close to me.
Aggrandizing:
I have strong convictions. Others should support my beliefs, values and
worldview. People naturally look up to me even to the point of adoration.
11. Trust
distrust trusting naive
-
4 -3 -2 -1 1 2 3 4
Distrust:
I don’t trust people’s motives. I often believe they will intentionally try to
hurt, abuse, lie, manipulate or take unfair advantage of me.
Trust:
I generally trust people unless they give me a reason not to. I do take
reasonable precautions, which prevent me from being taken advantage of.
Naïve:
I believe that almost everyone can be trusted. I do not question the motives of
others nor do I take reasonable precautions to protect myself.
PATTERN
INTEGRATION STRATEGY
1) I Have a Strong Reaction is in the Area of:_________________
___________________________________________________
Activating Events (situations, people or events that trigger my reaction):_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
What I think, feel and do when I am in reaction:_______________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
Describe
a strategy that would move you from of a place of reaction (left or right of
the center) to a place of choice (the center of the continuum). What will you
think, feel, say and do:______________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
PATTERN
INTEGRATION STRATEGY
2) I Have a Strong Reaction in the Area of:__________________
___________________________________________________
Activating Events (situations, people, events that are triggers:)
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________
What I think, feel and do when I am in reaction:_______________
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
Describe a strategy that would move you from of a place of reaction (left or right of the center) to a place of choice (the center of the continuum). What will you think, feel, say and do:
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
PATTERN
INTEGRATION STRATEGY
3) I Have a Strong Reaction in the Area of:__________________
___________________________________________________
Activating Events (situations, people or events that are triggers:) _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
What I think, feel and do when I am in reaction:
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
Describe a strategy that would move you from of a place of reaction (left or right of the center) to a place of choice (the center of the continuum). What will you think, feel, say and do: ______________
___________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________